BathMTB: Curry / Awards / Alley Cat Report

[DES ESCIT-SSS AS (Stewart, Andrew C1)]

The best weds night turn out for quite a while saw I think 11 of us turn up for the Annual Bath MTB Curry and Awards Night, highlight of the local cycling calendar and up there next to the Oscars  (allegedly). 

 

As usual some nutter ordered the hottest curry off the menu. Everyone had a spoonful, the brave and the strong ate it and the weak and the not that stupid threw theirs under the table!

 

Food consumed (or thrown under the table) we moved on to the most important part of the evening, yes, the now legendary Annual Awards ceremony. So eagerly fought over that last week saw several people deliberately diving over the bars in an attempt to win the "Best Crash" category.

 

Which brings us nicely to the first award:

 

Best Crash 

 

Thankfully no so many contenders this year (despite the late entries):

 

3rd Chris' proper roly-poly somersault on Shanks last week.

2nd Tav and the 'shopping bag caught in the front wheel incident' (not a Weds night crash but allowed a special entry as it was so daft).

1st. Lee's Dip in the Canal. 

 

The "I don't like the cold Award"

 

Handed down from last years winner, Conrad, for one of "the foreigners" for winging about getting cold tootsies on frosty rides.

 

With Aileen coming a close second, the "woolly accessories (!)" collection this year went to (drum-roll) 'Honorary Aussie': Chris 

 

Best Hallowheel Outfit

 

Nominations: Kevin the Joker, Tony the Smurf, Aileen The Cat Woman or was it Crow? Andy The Count and the winner:

Dave for The Zombie

 

Best Epic 

 

Dave is nominated for several exploits this year, he could have won for The Exmoor Beast had it been a proper bike ride on knobbly tyres but it wasn't so he didn't.

He did win though for the Bonty 24-12, battling through the wee small hours to get some extra laps in whilst others who shall remain nameless (ok it was Justin) slept on in their comfy sleeping bag.

 

Best Ride

 

The nominations were: "Every Weds Night", Chas for the Longleat Away Ride, Midsomer Madness, Chris' first Weds night ride (led by Dave up Lansdown), John's ride around AC and "some ride that Rich led".

 

And the Winner: Rich for "some ride or other"

 

Best Excuse

 

Rory "I'm a dad"

Tony "I'm a dad"

Dave "I'm a dad"

 

With the most no-shows, fatherhood having curtailed his Weds nights completely the winner: Rory

 

Best Event

 

There could only be one winner: Midsomer Madness. A special mention goes to Tony, Chris and Dave for pre-event strimming, Kevin for the signage and Aileen, Tony, Justin, John, Richard and Dave for Leading.

 

Most consistent (most Weds nights turnout)

 

This year goes to: Kevin. I've totted them up and Kevin has been there for an amazing 53 out of the last 52 weeks!

 

Cleanest Bike

 

The nominations were: Chris (he's obviously got too much time on his hands) and Justin (he's got a filthy mind but a squeaky clean bike). The winner (of the slightly used p0rn mag and packet of tissues): Justin

 

Best Equipped 

 

Yes, it could only be Tony.

 

..Sorry, that's the next award.

 

Yes, it could only be: Dave and his "I've got everything in here" rucksack. He's always prepared and always offers to help out people who aren't, which brings us on to:

 

Worst Equipped

 

A couple of contenders again this year, having switched firmly over to the skinny-tyred dark-side where peaks and camelbaks are laughed at with disdain and where you only carry what you can fit in your back pocket, it's:

 

Tony. Warm dry summer evening. Tony arrives with no bottle. "I don't need any fluid I had a drink before I came out". Top of the long climb up from Weston to Prospect Stile. We all stop for a refreshing drink (except Tony) who eye's up Justin's bulge (bulging camelbak that is). "What have you got in your Camelbak?". Later, after the long climb up through Tadwick to Matt "Can you spare a drop"..

 

How to mend a puncture award

 

A special "how many tubes does it take to fix a flat? A minimum of two if you are Tav" award.

 

Having been presented with a punctured tube and a patch kit Tav demonstrated that he really doesn't know how to fix a flat and that using too much rubber solution really is not a good idea.

 

Best Mechanical

 

No so many contenders for this year. 

 

Tony as usual had a few, normally necessitating use of an allen key that he wasn't carrying.

 

But the winner this year was Dave for the "Monkey Jizz" incident on the start line of the HoNC (Hell of the North Cotswolds) (1,000 riders and most of them got sprayed with the monkey jizz that was spurting at least 20 feet into the air from Dave's leaking tyre. Cue major panic tube insertion on the start line literally seconds before we head off.

 

'Most Eventful Ride' Award: "The Keeper of the Sign" 

 

New for 2011. The "sign" shall be carried from pub to pub and looked after for the following year until next years awards when it shall be brought to the curry house for handing on to the next recipient. 

 

Yes. It was "THAT" ride. The one where 'Grumpy Dad' got in a strop and we lost or injured most of the first timers. After apportioning blame to most people (including people who weren't even there) we decided that the "Keeper of the Sign" for next year shall be Justin (for no real reason other than the one's who really were to blame all pointed at him!). 

 

(For those who weren't there, there will be a picture somewhere to explain hopefully).

   

Most Unreliable Lights Award

 

New for 2011. Light technology has come on leaps and bounds in recent years. Lights are now powerful and reliable.

 

Not so if you are Tony. He's broken countless lights this year and has very nearly bankrupted both John's and Exposure.

 

But we also have several other contenders, Chris with his dodgy battery. Or is it dodgy head-lamp? Or was it dodgy switch? Or it might be the cable?

 

The winner though, for the fact his light failed just when he needed them most (descending through the woods in Longleat forest): Dan.

 

Most Monster Munch consumed in one sitting

 

With an unbelievable 12 packets washed down by 8 pints of cider (allegedly): Tav

 

Special mention must also got to the Pack Horse for the chips and calamri. 

 

The also new "Award for not being nominated for any other award" 

 

Went to Will. 

 

Finally: the 'Putting up with the Boys award" 

(with no mention of "how do you go for a pee with members of the opposite sex present?" doh, I just did)

 

Aileen

 

 

That concludes the proceedings for the evening.

 

We then retired to the pumping celeb filled after party* and unofficial 'Alley Cat race around the block on Andy's Farm Gate Sized Fixie' Competition

 

Won by John (Time 1.43 but 1 minute handicap due to height disadvantage)

Best attempt: Charlie and Will (who hadn't ridden a fixie before) and Chris for attempting it in shiny shoes with no safety equipment (that's trouser clips!)

Quickest: Tony (49') (he cheated and did a rolling start)

Most pedestrians scared and taxi drivers irrated: Andy (nearly took out two girls holding a pizza and pushing a pram)

 

*Best entertainment at the after party came in the form of the two girls behind the bar in the Cur de Lion (one of whom was wearing very little other than some words tattooed around her middle) having a 'shouty sweary' match with a drunk polish bloke. 

 

Looking forward to next year's already!!!

 

No me next week (another Christmas do to go to).

 

Ride the following week: Weds 21st another form of ride / social for Dan and Matt (if they can make it). 

 

Details to follow but Weds between Christmas and New Year (Weds 28th) is the 'Turkey Twizzler' all day, circuit of Bath ride (with opt out, get home early and lunch stop at the café at Dundas).

 

O/O

 

Andy

 

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://mtb-oz.com/pipermail/bathmtb/attachments/20111208/c69911f7/attachment-0001.htm